Its Saturday AM and whatever happened to the rain??  Its gone..  Sun is out..  HLM wants grayville so I pick a new ride for him in the cockoponset forest, give him directions - exit 7 route 9.. I call everyone, same directions.. NB calls back - my directions were wrong - exit 8, I do this EVERY TIME..  Im so thick..  Yeah that is what she said indeed..  So I call everyone back except for QM who was wacking his balls all morning..  Head down to middletown and im hungry and tired - so I use the conveniance of exit 19, where I can get a DD coffee and big mac in 30 seconds..  Back on the highway, headed for exit EIGHT!!!  This asshole is driving in my blind spot in some gas burning environmentally incorrect SUV, im about to cut him off but to no aBAIL its QM with a huge smile..  Bastard..  So he follows as I ram some old couple from behind..  Park and chat..  I have to feed him and lend him 1/2 cup of yesterdays cold coffee.. HLM, Nurse Betty, Brice, S&B, Big Steve, and anklebiter show up..  AB looks tired from his date last night with laundry girl (LG).  Waiting for PMD, I thought she might be late as her morning hair dye job was at 10:00..  Still no PMD, I call her on QM's cell, and indeed the blonde PMD took exit 8, but off ROUTE 2!!!  So lots of parking lot coalition riding, she finally shows and we have a team..  HLM still basking in pics of his utah trip has in his head that we are riding red canyon..  In his head "wheres the buff single track??"  OH - honerable mentions before we start..  GI was headed to "huck" alotta fagina, and im guessing he will need to hike up joes skirt for that one..  Meanwhile BM is the hired photographer but busy on the can reading a SONY manual.  Oh and im guessing dogs were involved..  I also called Lawn Boy but he was on his way to NJ for a ride with G-string - "flossing allamuchy recap soon??"..

So out on legal purple headed yogurt slinger, to blue, stone wall, I clean the crack QM follows AB gets stuck in the crack, which after qm has been in the crack is not suprizing..  Onward.  Skinny ramp to no-where - Root Beer Fear clean, QM follows with a rung breaker snap due to "big feet"..   HLM solid clean and determined..  PMD didnt even contemplate, nice..  NB had a couple fly by's, bumpy runway, sloppy seconds drive train, finally goes up the ramp but goes down on HLM  (HARD)..  He wanted to help but with  that glossy look in his eyes, NB was on her own, knees in the dirt..  PHEW, I cant believe she survived!!  Meanwhile AB has bike issues, I figure out the problem in 30 seconds for 29.95 (or a recap)..  Derailure G tension screw mechanism is focked..

Lots of unfriendly bikers and hikers - im gonna start riding with my axe..  To blue red dot, some great techs, some hike a bike, some great hike a bike, up and down, inside out, upside down you turn me your giving love.....  Jesus Fock!!!  My new word I use way too much, you can use it too (for 2.95 - I have rights).. 

So - As fate would have it - I come across a new stunt (therefore making it slippery for QM)..  Its a way cool simple ramp, to log ride to ramp to 2.6 foot drop..  So Me and root beer fear flash it with encouragement from PMD..  The cheering fades when QM is up and he bails..  Too funny..  AB flashes it with no gears..   QM was up like 5 more times with one classic granny one huckabortion.. OUCH.. "what gear are you in" x15....  "granny 2", "use middle one!", QM the contemplation man, mr contempation - the quiter - the quitter man.... Etc.. Etc.. Etc... If its any constapation QM I wouldnt have ridden it if I had my eyes open!!    PMD cleans the first part but passes on the huck although she thought about rolling it..  PMD is on fire, im gonna have to get a hose and cool her down..

Onward - I hear an explosion that sounds like a bean brocilly corn beef cabbage fart that was held in some secret small intestine for 5 years..  KaBOOOOOM..  SNAP..  I thought for sure it was a broken frame under big steve, but it was just a sidewall blowout..    Think he had some dollar bills left over from the nuddie bar to stuff it with..  End of trail to blue, shots in the distance.. Another blowout, was it hlm or nb??  TO lake, slimy log ride..  To blue red back, cool trail, short 2 footer, cool rocks....   Next 1.5 footer HLM is up and does the scooby doo no traction wheelie fock into the ground..  Ouch - I dont know how he does it..  The blur will help this contusion boy ..

Back on blue, to fire road I race S&B up hill and barely win..  Straight down to cars for AB's favorite new sport the skidmark competition..  "I think QM won the skidmark competition about 4 miles ago on stunt #2"..  Nice ride, good game nice game..

Rating - Ok im watching way too much TV lately, bad TV..  So this spy TV show is on and its like the sexy edition so PMD forces me to watch..  So these models are hired for a photo shoot that features animals..  First they are shot with clear blouse raincoats, and then they added some HUGE frogs in hand..  Models are a little grosssed out..  Next thing you know, the 3 are sprawled out on top of eachother with a ragged mountain sized snake running between there legs, now add some African jungle bugs that are the size of rats..  Oh rats, they added them two..  IT GETS WORSE!!  They actually talked these models into putting COCKroaches in there mouths..  So they finally got pissed off and decided the money was not worth it, and called bikerag for employment opportunities..  My people GI jane, Joe Dirt and Beast Master met the models at valley falls and made a new stunt..  There was a gap between 2 rocks and 3 models stood on there heads with legs spread to fill the gap..  It is the first human bike ramp known to man and is now called Allota Fagina...  All 3 rode with smiles..

Rating - 3 desperate models with a mouthful of cock.... (roaches that is)..  Uttering "