Ok you recap junkies here is the skinny..  My psychotherapist thought it would be a good idea if I didn't crap for a while, but im so focking constipated, and cant sleep so lucky you, more free run on ridiculous tails of dirt, rock and crack..

Ok - I done be hypnotized for this one.. 

Wells Woods festival of crashes..  Puke, Crash Test, QM, Garter Belt & Jailbait, & HJ..  GPS on in search of new trails - out on the infamous super G loop, we hit all the stunts..  Left turn QM and JB miss because QM is riding with headphones which is twice as hard as riding with wood..  Double drop, I ride for the first time with added rock..  CT and company clean it - QM contemplates several times, never looks at it, finally commits and the bullit goes straight for the mushy ground missing the rock ride..  2nd time is always a charm..  Horseshoe and high hard one..  CT contemplates the bad drop..  QM riding down HHO in granny 1 as I cringe in medical anticipation, cleans it..  New 4 footer - QM or CM contemplation man - contemplates, CT hucks and wrecks his rim (bike ok though)..  GB follow suit and commits the first hucking sin on the bullit - sweet!!  Tried to straighten his wheel with my various tools in my bag..  No dice..  He has the big nipples that are pointy, none of my tools fit..  Onward - elevated see saw (THE RACK) 3a's clean "nice rack", GB & QM having trouble and blame it on the rack being a bit saggy and slightly lopsided..   At some point we get a bit lost but we are never lost, always somewhere..  Newish trail with jump at the end..  Nice 2 foot huck in the middle too!!  QM and I even rode it..  Blind faith CM finally gets but not for the camera..  pm - "Its just not right to take his picture if he's not standing next to his bike"  Garter Belt pulls a cluster fock similar to the French fry rock incident and comes off blind faith ramp 1/2 way down.  you should only get off after you go all the way down!!  3 footer HJ CT and GB clean..  I contemplate but it looks like stained suede instead of leather..  CM was right there with me..  ONward more new drops - one diving board sleazy drop, HJ and I ride..  Then HJ hucks the smaller one and gets lauched over the bars - ouch it looked so painful, but his young elastic man body morfed back into an upright walking human..  Rock Stunt Garter Belt does a near face plant..  CT bails, rushing home to see if the norte came in yet..

So the rest of the crew rode by some campers before reall consequences and NOBODY made hit the deck..  Jail bait cleaned the log stunt after hit the deck (JBLS - jail bait log stunt)..  Back to car in record time..  Nice ride, long ride, short ride..

Rating - 4 hairy hot dogs covered in calamine lotion and cilantro leaves.

Soapstone wed. night ride - QM, Kev dog (on rental bike), HJ and ?brian?, focker, S&B and puke did an early 5:00 ride in search of a newish route..  So we did the standard route QM and KD contemplated about 23 drops during the ride, picking apart the takeoff or landing or dirt conditions or rock type or myserious air currents etc.. etc.. etc..  New trail to home depot..  Everyone rode most of the ramps..  Brian even rode the V-roller..  QM launches the 2 footer and we have pics to prove it..  I swear he didnt even contemplate..  Well I even rode it, and if I can ride it, anyone can ride it..  To handi ramp area - lots of play time, I needed a time out to get my mojo back..  Rode like a frocking retard..  Lots of takers on my new big up line..  Its a Hard One!  Going down the big one is also a biatch..

Exiting at the 4-way intersection we meat up with Joe Dirt and friends..  They followed us all over for the rest of the ride (accidentally)..  To Cheescake rock trail - I ride the RRTN (rock ride to nowhere) with PMD's voice in my head..  Bunch of followers - QM skidding the most on the off camber rocks cleans it!!  To ramp - quick repair since the elves are on vacation..  S&B tests the repair and deems it home depot safe.. Cheescake fun - Focker takes pukecycle over it for possibly the last time..  Heading back we stay right and go up bastard hill - HJ takes one in the nuts (following my line hj??)  DOH..

Back to blue, to fire road, to nemesis uphill, couple dabs, more blue trail we run into JD and company at the intersuction..  Crazy blue section Kev dogs bike disintegrates further..  First it was just a Mangled rear cluster, then missing spokes..  Now he has a flat but can seem to get his paws under the tire for removal..  Damm downhill tires..  He is not happy - I was the ride leader so gave him a pump..  Onward - 2 mile downhill back to car..  We meet up with Brick, TT, NB, HLM and some other guy (SOG).. 

Post ride carbo-loading at casey's..  Small chicken sandwiches, small drinks, bad conversation...  Where's the trip out west??  Brick is in, Focker is unemployed, TT can go but only for a day, S&B can't go due to large steel chain around his ankle attached to the worlds largest bowling ball at the smithsonian..  So S&B, focker and I headed out to Sullys for post carbo-loading carbo loading..  Met up with moas and AL..  Saw a band without seeing them..  Saw some lesbians without licking them and played some darts without throwing them..

Rating - 4 ellington pancakes for breakfast..  They are flat, black and high in protein, carbo free..  Put the leftovers in the garden..

Soapstone AGAIN - Friday - HLM, NB, HL, Puke & PMD..  Delaying our cape cod trip for another ride..  So hogi yogi is dead and I take pukecycle out..  Didnt test ride it and find myself screwed with a 2.5 tire that rubs against the tire..  Fock it..  Ok today we are venturing in the darks side.. Havent been there in a while..  Cross gulf road, follow fire road (I see logging to my left - fock)..  Left on nice single track, Trail is in shambles and hasnt been ridden, suddenly LOGGING..  Bushwack hike bike but no complaints..  Found the trail, to fire road, to pond trail, NB mechanical HLM quick to fix (must have been riding with tool in hand!!)  DOH, DOH, DOH DOH...  OK to red snowmobile trail..  Fake left, next left new Lost Loyd Trail..  Nice trail, cool rocks..  1/.2 way through we find a new rock ride..  At the top I suddenly remember I have no front brake, but ride it anyway - easy, fun..  Roll the jump..  To fire road, to yellow..  PMD relentless in the garden of rocks..  The rest of us just walk it..  Down 5 hills trail to gulf road..  Bottom of it was logged and re-routed..  up the 2 mile downhill but cut-off left on new trail..  Steep but rideable I clean it, PMD got the second steepy up..  Right on blue, left on red..  This is great, a new route!!.. Back towards yellow but we go straight...  Crazy trail with short steep ups and long downs..  Lots of fun..  PMD and HLM out front as I die on uphill #4..  Left before barking dogs, back on fire road trail, one cool bridge..

Post Ride Loading at the Panda Garden..  I told the waiter to up the AC for obvious reasons (I am dining with 3 girls)..  PMD wants it hot and apparently from the conversation Hot lips and nurse betty too..  Talks of movies, thai food and bike parts..  Then suddenly the girls go way downhill in the areola of conversation - Nurse betty just went to a sex toy party, HL quick to reply about the advances in STT (sex Toy Technology), little rubber tounges and such..  PMD talking about numbing lotion..  I alread left the room and was on the phone reserving a room at the nearest motel 8..  Great food for a resteraunt that used to be Roy Rogers..  Cervix was a little slow but eventually came with PMD's rice..

Rating - 5 french ticklers, 4 cock rings, 3 nipple clamps, 2 jars of jelly and a sore ass in a pear tree..  PS - As you know, its always christmas at the compound..

Monday HJ bike fix at the compound and some easy stunts..  So HJ's bike needs some help..  Quick fix with a marozochi or 2, drivetrain and brake pads..  His bike has never been maintained because newington bike wants to rape young boys..  $250 for some brass nipples and a rim job??  I thought it was a family shop??  So I show HJ the low rider ramps, a 2 foot drop and 2.5 foot huck..  Its hot..  Focker came over to build up his mountain cycle but left his skewer in his other car along with many other parts..  I huck pukecycle for the first time and feel the love..  HJ rides elevates see saw BACKWARDS!!  But for the camera crash's 4 times first..  Then he decides we can do the moustrap tandem but opposing eachother..  # tries 2 cleans, but you will have to buy the movie to see it..

Rating - just one double barrel marzochi marathon shock that squirts the messy stuff all over you when you pump it up..

Wed - No ride fur me - CLIMB PINNACLE with FOcker, S&B, Evil D..  So I am scrambling at home to find my cilmbing gear and books so we can find a route once we get there.. No dice so I go to ems and buy a 25$ falcon guide..  I thought the parking was right under the cliff, but I was mistaken..  So We meet on the side of the road and hike up (puke in flip flops - not good)..  Sharp rocks, steep loose sand and GLASS everywhere..  WE get to the base and start traversing..  RUn into some climbers..  This one guy suggests a route as I open my book and said "hey thats my friends book"..  The auther was right next to him - too funny..  So we go to the top and rope up..  Evil D talking about hiding her "box" on block island.. Reinder games S&B??  We amazingly rope up 2 climbs with only one piece of static and lots of webbing.. S&B looses Evil D and is concerned she is experimenting with gravity (or her sneaking around the woods, hiding her box).   Really good but easy climbs..  I always make it harder than it is..  S&B takes it in the chin as he struggles 4 inches off the ground..  FOcker spread like a 3 dollar whore, in the X-man position..  The YMCA group in red helmets are everywhere, sleeping on rocks, climbing, talking about how sexy the 13 year olds are in the latest PG film..  S&B thinks the second route was 5.5 but I think focker pulled him up..  . At some point S&B got stuck in the crack.  "I am stuck in the crack", "I cant get it out" .. Back to route #1 for more ridiculous line.  Focker and I clean..  Pack up and leave.

Post climb loading at El' sombrero in southington..  PMD meets us there..  The mariachi band played in the bathroom to the tranquil sounds of piss hitting the water..  Later we offer the band money, to shut up..  Any requests??  "yes, stop playing"..   Focker waits forever for his fashitta flats, hoping for a post carbo-loading frisbee throw..

Rating 4.5 burritos filled with BUD MUDD, topped with Mole' sauce..  and a side of Sex Toy rice (that rice with KY liquid)..

THurs SOAPSTONE - this is crazy - Focker and I hit soap, find semi new trails, more logging and 2 new ramps!!  mini mossy blind faith thats not so mini and had a double drop..  Rating just one moss coat for camoflauge .