To start with, I just want to say, this wasn't my ride, I claim no responsibility for any part of it, I just make the donuts..

So - Forum is running wild with wetness along with the trails lately so I decide to kill several thousand birds with one large stone (can you hear the big thud and see the 2 that got away?) and show up for a ride..  So Right away I pull in and see KA (king arthur), rareing to go..  No need to call just hint at hebron and the tour guide service is activated, great to see you man!!  Next up crash Test with a new V-10, that's so new it doesn't have a drop of sperm on it..  OJ - ORange Jeff on the new Jamis full bounce betty, Smilin-Jim (recap debut), Beastmaster (its been a while since I havent ridden with you!), OBD (this will be my first time not riding with you), CGJ Climbing GYm Jen on the new blur, Dr. Suess blur, Rookie and cookie and PM.  Did I miss anyone?  Crap..

Start is with epic parking lot riding, KA did like 3.4 miles, some nice lines over rocks..  Lots of punk kids hanging out, felt like old times, throwing back 12 - packs on a school night like there water, filling the green van with billowing smoke, getting chased down some highway I don't even know which one, because im so drunk and going so fast, but me and my dashboard are covered in puke so I don't dare slow down from the 115 or so that I went through the speed trap with, boodaloo boodaloo boodaloo..  back to the ride.. So Rook and cook show up fashionably late, and we ride, its wet..  KA falls off the log ride as its slimy as a moldy greasy hungry tiger chicken finger.  To Huck, CT has headset problems, so Dr. Suess operates, looking for something small and pointy, where are all the girls at??   I digress once again..  Anyway, CT hucks the V-10, no longer a virgin, goes right for the 6.57 footer..   Next up Beast and OBD on the warm-up 5..   BM, is troubled by the sick roller, he even QM'ed a couple times, but finally rode it flawlessly, until he hit the tree, so did crash test, just add in some plywood snapping sounds to BM's run..   So we say our goodby's and part ways, off to XC heaven..

Ledge trail, with everyone but OBD and BM, well and CGJ, but she found us later..   So we rode, it was fun, Cookie got a flat, then another..  Rookie was giving me shizzle all night long for no reason besides the sheer jealousy he feels when he works and I ride..  OJ nails the 4 footer, so did smilin Jim (about 10 times - nice - smooth), KA of course, I opted for the woos 2 footer, all talk no game...   KA and OJ finally abandon us - obviously they are thinking clearly.. Actually, KA had 3 girls waiting for him at home - you studd, well you are the king - props... Cookie has been riding really good tonight - must be that new rock - wait till she gets that bike straightened out!!!   To 7 footer crash nails it, for the camera even..   Even though I walked the trail I crashed on last time, I still half fell and wrecked my balls.. Crash was wondering if it nocked the wind out of me, nope, I was just waiting for IT to drop..  Must of come out on the see saw or jump..  Back to the car the fun starts...  Dr. suess and I race uphill, well I raced, he was just riding, but in my defense he only beat me by 3 feet..

So there are now like 50 kids hanging out - Not that there is anything wrong with that - remising once again of stupid days past..  BM tries to show me some videos but ends out rewinding to some girls gone wild tape from his wife's bachelorett party - yes life is good..  Meanwhile crash comes suspiciously strolling and informs us of police activity in the area..  I quickly run to the trails and remove all the stunts, rookie decides to help and brings a pipe along, you know for leverage..  As rook is blending with the punk crowd he is mistaken for a medaling teen and harassed by the local authorities for hours on end..  I wanted so bad to get my camera and get some shots as they were taking him away, cuffed and stuffed, but did not want to hurt his cause so stayed silent..  His relentnessnissity paid off and they finally let him go and grab some food with us..  PHew..  Thanks to the officer that let him go, because another 5 minutes without food and I would have needed an insulin shot, no im not diabetic, these are desperate times..

Food - so rook wants out of dallas, Dr. suess and I try to follow him drafting the condo at 80, think I had more fuell in my tank when I got home..  To hungry tiger, good food, drinks, some stories of course and the worst singer I have ever heard, what was her name??  It was like you took a crying cat and nailed 5 inch stainless steel spikes through its back while it was mating or something..  Any requests?  Yeah, don't play, or duct tape..     Speaking of tape, need to bring some on the trail, With all the stuff we fixed tonight, my pack and xterra are gettiing low on supplies..

Good game, 3 pint glasses of earth worms, surrounded by dirt and glass, "lets go fishing little Timmy"..  Had to be there for that one..  Ok that was lame, 3 girls gone wild, 16 will get you 20, barely legal teens with sheer white panties full of earthworms and dirt, im leaving out the glass due to porritcal correctness, and so Timmy can get his worms garbage free!!  And you wonder where the whole clit ring fad started??

Next time lets go fishing instead of riding - Good game - good ride - PM

1.2 miles totall, 34 feet vertical

"im not worried about launching, im worried about landing"