Its tuesday, therefore mug night, the night you get to see my mug (of root beer) on the weekly, seldom lame, Vernon cycle ride lead by GI-Jane (semi-blo downhill racer)..  So there were 10 of us and unlike Jane, I am trying to learn the names of the riders one at a time..  So it was Jane, Joe Dirt, opaque AL, a guy who has never seen stunts, a kid who has never ridden soap, a girl who wished she brought her kneepads (could have a field day but im on a tight schedule here), her boyfriend, _ _, and puke..  So it seems everyone is jumping on the bandwagon and buying santa-cruz bullits..  So before you know it there will be bullit only rides and those riding canondales and rocky mountains and all those other great bikes will be left out..  I bought my stock last thursday..  Focking people - cant anyone just be original!!!

Anyway - got a shim from Jane for my new root beer bullit and we are off.. Ummmm beeeeeeer.. I got a size medium, just like those fat ladys squeeze into small shoes, but completely different ( translation - the shock came with a medium sized frame)..   Everyone is looking at me strangely due to lack of puke between my legs..  I think GI will be forever disturbed...  I lead, up the pavement..  To yeller, swoosh swoosh, right on red I show someone a new line..  Huffing and puffing, left on cnc single track..  I boff the first rock stunt due to wet moss excuse and create cluster focking..  fock.. I truly and positively suck.. Onward GI wants to ride me hard so I know that the bike doesnt make an ounce of difference..  Either that or he was waiting for a tandem see saw ride apparition in the distance..  To fire road, to blue connector we run into this guy and his dog that I play chicken with and BARELY win.. GI is appawed..  Tails of dog stunts at case..  Yeah its a regular flucking pun o matic recap here..  Tight tree sock up - GI takes 2 tries - I follow suit, in my new bullit camo undies that came with the bike..  ONe of these days I will adjust this silly 5th element bruce willis signiture addition shock..  To homey depot trail!!  The park rangers did a fine job constructing these sleezy fun stunts, smell the fresh paint and the lilacs - Wheres focker??  Sipping guinnes from his road bike I would guess..  GI crashes on a little rock..  Joe dirt and I wheelie the plank..  GI cleans the shingle ramp, by a thread, sweat dripping from his forehead..  Must still have jet lag from mount snow...  To V-drop, handicapped ramp..  GI hucks the 3, I wheelie the 1, Joe dirt way to busy day dreaming about his new bullit.. 

Cheese cake? Yes Please..  I ride ahead on new smelly trail.  1.5 footer to rock landing - ouch - GI follows as I warn of slipery off camber rock #1 to no-where..  He agrees but the rest did not get the benifit of our conversation..  Listen to me now..  Pause...  Crack bam boom crunch scccccraaaaappppppeeeee..  oops there it is, off camber crash .. Onward we fly through the stunts, GI downward spiral huck, OA rides the wet one, I deem my new dick brakes good for any wet spot on the trail...  Yup..  Left on single-track..  Big nose rock I Biff, dab and wheelie off with (-) style points, flatting on my 30 degree off camber landing..  You see hogi yogi's 3-d pivot swing arm would have sucked that up!!  So I pump hard while the rest leaves me behind for the canabalistic chimps and red monkeys..  Good thing I have my new banana nut granola bars in my front pocket..  So I fix the flat, the rest ride on..  Back on the trail I realize that my advice to QM is starring me in the face so I ride lightly as I pass some teenagers in a stolen SUV, beating the SNOT out of it..  They let me go ahead but only in attempt to run me down later.. Luckily the engined would only run so long at 7000 rpm..  Back on fire road I catch up, bike making too much noise to be stealth, forgot to remove that plastic thing in the front derailure, race GI, and pull back to sweeper position to heard everyone home.. 

Nice ride - good pace - nice ride.. Nice bike, cool bike, production bike?, heavy bike....

Rating - 30 lbs of tomatoes that have been rotting in my back yard..  I promise you will drink them for my annual bloody mary bash..  Only chicks named mary or guys with bullits will be invited..  OHHH thats not P.C. ----  If your a chick with a bullit, you can COME too, but you have to wear knee pad..  Fock Ive done it again..

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