A little piece of Verrrrmont - Salmon River 7/14/02 By HLM

NB and I kept hearing about this place down south called Salmon River. An MTB area named after a river that's named for a fish - it didn't sound very promising. TT was offering food afterwards, so we threw the bikes and the dog in the car. We contracted HL toguide us into the new terrain on the hick side of the river. For the record, I'm from Vermont, so I can call anyone I want a hick and getaway with it because I mean it in a nice, sympathetic, inbred sort of way. So we follow the new Audi snobmobile out into the sticks. Sticks, Hicks, and 4 Wheel Drive, it feels like home.

HL gets lost and we end up on the phone with TT's wife to get new directions. She's fairly sure that if we do everything we did in reverse, we'll end up back where we started. After an extensive tour of the East Haddam, East Hampton and East BumF#*%, we finally arrive at the bridge. Suffice it to say that we were late, late, late.

So we ride through the covered bridge and pass a bunch of tourists strolling happily along inhaling the off-gases of 100+ year old cedar. More images of Vermont. We drop down to the river and start climbing out on a steep but beautiful piece of singletrack. Every ride in Vermont starts with a monster climb, so it all makes sense. TT has the home court advantage and knows every rock on the trail. The rest of us try to find good lines.

We all suffer (some more, some less) up the first climb. NB has her first flat of the day and realizes that the two (yes two) brand new tubes she keeps in her camelback are both defective. PD and LUTC to the rescue. The rest of us hang out on top and play a little on this crazy uphill line that PM rode up entirely on his rear wheel. TT shows us the real line. Once we're back together, we cross a major trail intersection and take off downhill.

So we tear along for a while through a forest loaded with deer and some of the best XC singletrack that I've ever seen in the east. The death march climb after the covered bridge must keep the masses away because the trail is packed down, but not eroded at all. It's TT's private stash - and apparently he's cultivated it over the years. Speaking of stashes, NB must have left her lungs at OzzFest on Saturday. Uphill, flat or downhill, NB was an equal opportunity wreck just waiting to happen.

So just when I'm thinking that this is a cross-country only area, we come upon a shaky teeter-totter - not big, not hinged and definitely not safe. There was no consultation with Home Depot on this project. TT, PM, LUTC, PIT, Matt and I ride it with no major wrecks. Then it's off through some downhill sections and on to another stunt. Nice up platform cross over a log with a small drop onto a log ride. I didn't leave my lungs at OzzFest, so I'm over it clean with everyone from the first stunt. NB wisely decides to pass on the stunts today.

We cross through some recent clearcut with some nicely placed rock stunts and TT goes East Coast West Coast into a bramble patch. The brambles haven't had anything to eat for some time, so they surround him and hold him down while PM gets footage. Once TT frees himself, we all do a really fun, technical climb and then descend to the local swimmin' hole. The locals give us weird looks, as if they've never seen 10 people decked out in lycra before. One portly youngster takes the rope swing about 10 times in front of us, prompting HL to comment that he needs to diversify his training regimen. TT and Matt swing off into the water. HL leads yet another discussion about the size of my pump and we're off.

Climb, descend, climb, descend. NB with her third flat. People are getting cranky from suffering and exhaustion. TT repeatedly promises "It's all downhill to the car" and finally recants to "Oh, did I say downhill, I meant it's all hill to the car". One last climb and a final huge descent and we're back to the bridge, still loaded with tourists and the aroma of cedar.

Cookout - Good food, good beer and good discussion. Thanks TT. PM gives a lengthy dissertation on the evils of sugar to lead us away from the fact the he brought a bottle of grey goose vodka to a picnic. When it was over, we got back into the car and followed HL back to Connecticut.

Ride rating: Great group, exceptional terrain, so I'm giving it 5 salmon bowels baked in the sun under a tarp for 2 weeks,
then embalmed in grey goose, sprinkled with salt, pepper, paprika and basil, and grilled to perfection.

PM needs to up the ride ranking of Salmon River to at least 4 stars.

Salmon River: Hilly enough to keep the masses away, worth every painful moment, don't tell anyone!