Its Wed, its not raining and practically nobody is riding..   Excuses up the ying and yang..   So THMP and I arrive like clockwork at the cumstock bridge lot..  Right behind him we have splatter matter, TTT shirtless tour guide, and finally barbie, thinks hes late so he speeds into the lot at 75 pulls the emergency brake and does a nice jim rockford parking move, hazard county style..  Splatt has a problem, he has 2 left gloves, so I consult the bikerag bike fix page and instruct him to turn the other glove inside out - HOLY Shiznitzle batman, it works..  He now is riding with one white glove, just like micheal jackson, except without the small boy on his thumb..  That was bad.. Anyway..  So we wait for rookie, decide 15 minutes is long enough and pedal over the river..  50 feet into the ride - wheres dr. splatt??   So we wait, look back and see him talking to the park ranger..   "this cant be good"..  So he finally arrives, apparently he did not get the memo about rookie..   So he said that the ranger asked him "are you bikerag?" in a harsh tone..  He replies no, but the group I am with is, they are waiting for me..   SO the guy mumbles that he is looking for some secret spot, jumps in his truck and rides off..  Strange times indeed..  

So we take the chairlift up..   Splatt wants a play by play on all the conditions..  "root" "rock" "hill" "divit" etc...   TTT has a chain sukka on board his bike today, but he carries a personal lubricant so hes ok..  I rub some on my tummy for good luck - doctors orders..   View to a thrill left of the river with some hot naked sun bathers, actually just some homeless people taking a bath but who's counting..  We go up, THMP's knee working much better with the gonadvil intravenous.   Left or straight, Ride leader is undecided but pointed left, we go left..  Mushy slightly bushwacky hard to follow adventure trail, Splatt is in heaven..   Front wheel hidden by deep furns this is a great brail trail..   To FR, Stream crossing, Left on ST, another stream crossing, Dr splatt gets wet, notices water is getting warm, where is THMP, peeing upstream for sure..   To awesome tech uphill, Blur is scalded today, I get with one freakin dab 50 feet from the end..   Barbie quote "there is no amount of exercise that can get you in shape for this".   And we skipped the uphill trail, really.. 

Ok more cool techs, we look for stunt trail, some good hard ups, we find the trail..    5 feet in splatt skids right, mainly because my bike was on the ground.   So I go, make it 10 feet and skid right..   The rest follow..  To long slick down, I walk, to slikery, splatt rides..   Has to QM the ramp several times but finally gets it.  Others have difficulty walking down..   To rock garden section that needs some work, soft mushy rock garden..  To 2 foot up easy roller..  To ramp up rock ramp down, everyone onsites.  Barbies first stunt..   Another lap for the camera..  Im so pissed, none of the pics came out..  Either my camera died or it was on some time laps photography setting. Im so pissed..  Might need a replay next wed..   Some uphilling, all rideable, to zylophone ramp.. Wicked cool, tricky turn left, to ramp that starts one foot wide and ends 4" wide to 2 foot drop..  Dr splatt and I rode it, its a stunt with innovation, style and made of the highest AIA construction standards..   Next up 3 foot rock up, ladder ramp down, I flash, Splatt barely dabs (according to the people), TTT crashes, makes it up, but cant navigate the down..  Actually he made it with a dab too, a long dab, a smear...   To 2x6 ramp over log, ladder down..   THMP gives me the heads up, I swing left, ride it, but go a little fast, taking the seat in the nads during the a-frame nose wheelie..  Barbie QM's thrice works on the nav. system and cleans it..  Did TTT make it, I forget.. 

Down bushwack fire road, left at large grave, Splatt has a drop for me.. I dont QM, but I do clear the path, remove ferns, inspect the landing ramp, Middle 2 it was like a dream, woosh...   To river gorge, quick cool off under waterfall, back through poop on trail..  Uphill, stream uphill, back to car..

Great ride - Post ride - grinders at TTT's, club soda, kettle one, beer, watermelon, water, we are hooked..  So we go to pick up the grinders duke boy style in TTT's yeller jeep.  I cant believe we made it to the general store without traveling on dirt roads or jumping any delapadated bridges..  Anyway, I get some club soda from mohamed, 50 more feet we arrive at the pizza restaurant..   Someone said the the girl behind the cash register was cute or hot, but I think it was hot and they were delirious..  That conversation turned into something like the girl being under the cash register "taking the change"   Back to TTT's we sit outside for 5 seconds, move in and chow down 5 chicken parm grinders..   TTT's wonders where his wife is - "she said she went for a walk" - but TTT that was last friday!!!   So nickname less wifey, oh I suppose we could call her SB (supplement betty) based on the CVS sign in the kitchen, anyway she came back from her walk and met the crew..  TTT learned barbie has a reall name.. SB talks about TTT's snake..  Need I say more.. We ate, we drank, told stories and you missed out lame asses...

5 Salmon river Chicken parm grinders is the rating.. The recipee is what your looking for, so start with some stale panera bread that I get out of the dumpster every night at 10:05, slice in the compound workshop with radial arm saw, insert live flopping raw salmon with bones, scales and skin, get a butta knife, go back to the waterfall and scoop some of that horse dung off the ground, smear it on the salmon, add in one layer of lubriderm or other white substance you find under the cash register, top with oil and vinegar or in bikerag terms, asparagus pee and Gi-Jane hospital vomit..  Add some toe cheese on the top, put in oven broil till black, drink for 1/2 a day, then get hungry and eat..   The first bite is the best when you have to crunch through the head and eyeballs.. 

Good game - PM