Warning - If you had to sit on the can, and crap through a juice box straw, after your morning 12oz's of star bucks, you still wouldn't have time to read this crap!!!

Prelogue or prelude - To start with - I have to tell you about what a pain in the focking ass getting this team together was.. Moan Moan, bitch bitch im a sissy..  Actually it wasn't all that bad but having 2 team members, 4 days before the race is a little bit disheartening..   So REWINDING ....(make rewinding sound from your 8 track best of disco)........  after many forum posts and banter, gathering all that were interested, I decide that we have AT LEAST 2 teams worth of raggers for the race..   Executive decision, I split up into A-team and B-team...   Setup the A-team, and after couple alterations, we are set Puke, GI, FOcker, Dr. Seuss and AB2 (Aniversary Bob), Doesn't even make a ride and still gets a nickname!!..  Getting Dr. Seuss to sign up online was like pulling teeth out of a retarded alligator, no offense to the alligator..   So finally, we are set, but Dr Seuss starts talking about point series and GI-Jane wants to know how to get more laps..  Hmmmm..  What should I do.. This is like making change at the smokey bar with barbie...    So I tell Dr. Seuss and his buddie to race point series, and we will surprise GI-Jane with all the laps he wants.. Everyone is happy..  We will enter the 5 person category with 3 people and win, because GI will ride my blur!!!   And then there was mount snow..   I wont go into the details since the forum is full of useful content, but the result was "GI-Jane went down" at mount snow and spent the WHOLE week in the hospital..  Got the call Monday AM from SSK..   I cant believe he is sitting in traction with copious amounts of pain, and he must have uttered with a barely audible and scratchy  voice "adriane" and then "call puke about the 24 hour race"..   So its monday, we have 2 people for our team..   Long story short, I ask my people, get lots of maybe's and Ill do it if I have to..   Finally, Rickshaw emails me "I am in, if you want me"..   Said something about sledding at some mountain I have never heard of "mount MickeyD's " or something in AK..  So I decide, well sledding is better than nothing..  He has been for one bike ride so far this year, so I reply, rickshaw, you are IN...  2 more to go, PMD is 95% in, she has been working 16 hour days and not riding, perfect, well rested!!!   Great way to relieve stress at 3 am in the middle of the woods..   Last but not least, HLM commits, but wants to make sure there is no pressure!!   I forget how many laps he committed to, but regardless, even if he just wanted one, he was in..  We have a team, under trained and overworked, but a team, a team I am more than proud to be on..

So - Focker, SWB and myself commute up to Dalton.  Xterra full of crazy crap like see saws, giant Gonadvil bottles, electrical piping, welding rods, Food, drink, bike, parts, more parts etc...  So focker is using his hi tech nav system, I use handheld GPS in lieu of bringing directions..  I beat him there, but he did stop twice (most likely for a quickie)..  Saw lots of 1 hour motels on the way..  So enter the campsite and the place is already packed - wow..  Find a good central spot and realize the campsites are smaller than last year.  Focker pulls in with his new bright yellow audi S-4 and we setup camp..  I notice focker has a new tatoo on his calf, looks like a butterfly, making him look more gay once again, but he claims its a dragonfly..  Hmm Dragon fly and a lizard, whats next??   I think im going to get a scalded monkey on my leg..  

Campsite Woes - Funny - as we are attaching the tarp between the Xterra roof and the S-4, our neighbors say "Finally a good use for an Audi"..  Sh!t within 5 seconds, I like that, hope we beat them..  We did..  So I would like to think that our campsite was more like a Sanford and son experience..   Ragged tarps, erected with electrical conduit and fittings, twine, whatever we could dig up and steal..  After the tarp was almost falling down, I went on a mission to find some poles, came back with a nice one, SWB says " is it long enough", and that's about all she said for the rest of the weekend as she was busy in the barfalounger reading very thick books with big print..  So we get some looks as we screw together the new portable see-saw, formerly known as the "mouse trap"..  After it was up, no takers, what the F!!   Before you know it, every Unicyclist at the race was trying to ride it and our camp was surrounded by photographers, interviewing me and my people for our innovation..  The first person to successfully ride it was this tiny little kid on a unicycle..  I made his mom sign a waiver..  Right..  LWS and 3dm stopped by many times to chat, always with smiles.. Its good to actually know people this year, and these 2 always have the insider information.. 

Pre-ride

So its like 10 PM and Im like - hey we should call rickshaw, Gary (sorry focker) walks for the phone and some unrecognizable bearded guy walks into our camp..  Keep in mind that, for some strange reason, our campsite was some sort of gateway. I mean there are 10 foot wide paths between campsites everywhere to get from point to point, but everyone wanted to walk through our mash setup and see what we were up to..  So back to the bearded guy, thought he was going to give us some zen advice on the seesaw, but instead he says, hey, its me rickshaw..  Too funny, so rickshaw grew a beard for you slow fockers..   Gets his car, sets up camp, and I ask him if he runs?   He replies, yes I run a bit...  COol!!  He was thinking we would go jogging together at 6:30 am or something, suckka!!   So rickshaw is our candatite for the lemas start of the race, ready to spread and squat at the start line..   I convince him that the extra prologue lap is only 50 feet long.. 

So Focker sets up the stove, cooks some snauseges, drinks some guiness and we sleep..  I had the presidential captains suite equiped with queen size bed..  WOke everyone up at around 1 with sneezing / chest cracking fit..  5 am - Cock a doodle doo..  This place has chicks and roosters for real, its a farm, we are camping on a farm, get the picture!!??  RIckshaw's bike needs work, which is really why he agreed to do the race.. Figures 2 bike mechanics slaving over his specialized hard tail is worth the entry fee alone..  Between HLM and i he got a full tune-up!! 

10:30 or so HLM and PMD show up, a bit frazzled, with subway sandwiches in hand..   I guess I should have told them not to rush, my bad..   After hearing the course description, PMD decides to keep the new blur on standby and ride the Eastern woods research..  Morning flew by..  We decide the riding order - RIckshaw, Focker, PUkemaster, PMD, HLM... 

Friends of the family - Ran into a few people here and there that we knew - saw Radar and Trish and Matt (SNL sweet and low or SAL, I guess), Friend of matts from VT showed up and chatted, Oh - troubles neighbor ken showed up, too funny, it was his bizzare bike fix that got us out of a jam just 3 days ago, ken emailed like 2 years ago with that fix and he is both impressed and confused that I know his wife's name...   Friend of PMD was there too - who was it - Frank??   Of course Bike and Blade was there, Steffen all healed up from our last meeting, rode the see saw free ride huck style, I cringed!!!  He was on a nice balfa..   3dm and steve were around all weekend and seem to know plenty of people..  It was great to see so many familiar faces..  Made some new friends too, waiting in the transition tent and such..  I even recognized this guy from last year..  He was this kind of chubby chinese kid who I found on the trail last year laying on the ground with his legs cramped up wondering what he should do .. I actually stopped and gave him some PM advice, get up and walk...  So this year I passed him walking his bike up the fire road hell, and chatted for 3 seconds.. 

The race starts  Round 1- Rickshaw focused at the starting line a horn sounds, they run, get to the bikes and ride the prolog lap..  I get video of him under the over under bridge, cheering him on..   He kicked ass!!   I convinced him that instead of pre-riding the course he should consider his first lap to be the pre-ride, since there would be so many people in the way..   So we all rode our first lap..  Im not sure about the crew but after my lap one I was ready to give up..  I pushed kind of hard on the uphill, middle one, cranked on the downhill, took the left instead of straight (fockhead), got stuck behind people on the last mile and by the end, my lower back was so sore I felt like I had been farming potatoes for the past 16 years..  Although Rickshaw did the first lap with prolog lap, HLM had the record for most distance in a lap..  You see, he did not pre-ride the course (nor did PMD and Rickshaw), so he was unsure of the route and when he saw a sign with an arrow on it and an H, he assumed this meant, HLM turn left.. Luckily after passing the 8 mile mark at 9 minutes in he knew he frocked up..  So he rode to the end and started over again, passing the photo-shoot twice..  So that was his warmup, unfortunately, the clock has been running, he then goes back and actually starts his lap, 12 minutes later..  So that being said, his time was long for a lap, but VERY short condidering he did the extra climb and extra 3/4 or so mile of riding..  In any event he came back with a smile on his face..  PMD cranked her first lap, without pre-riding the course or a Full suspension bike she did it in 58 minutes!!!  PMD rocks and was ready for more action..

Nurse betty shows up mid round one with doggy who needs a name and a HUUUUUGE backpack..   She found us by looking up in the air for  flag with a turkey on it!!   And yes this turkey was ready!!

The course - Ok although its really hard to remember all of the course and the propper order, I will try..  Start is fire road, spectator campsite row, flatish, right onto singletrack, quick up, quick down, graduall up, gradual fast down, around corner your tire is peeling hardpack into the woods (mile 1), down around under the over under bridge, the crowd cheers, cowbells if you have a front fender or a big rack in a bikini top..  To open field fire road downill, big gear stream crossing, quick up you almost glide up, pass some sort of farm tracktor, left on compost pile row, nice fragrance to keep you pedaling. slight up, slight down, horses to your left, or are they apparitions??, uphill a bit and left back into woods on singletrack..  Over flat ladder to 6" wheelie drop if your feeling free ride, stream crossing, then progressively muddy section..  Single track goes kind of up and down for a bit, couple bridges, (mile 2) some tightish boulder S-turns, to edge of open field S-track, 90 left uphill, top of hill right back onto s-track, mainly slight uphill S-track, Right turn onto the fire road from hell climb, or stick a fork in me, because im done climb, goes up, under power lines, log piles you dream about building stuff out of, by the end of the race you should have a mental stunt park here..  Back into the woods up up up.. There was one short down to tiny water crossing, but back up. (mile 4), still up, you see a tent at the top of the next burm, or is it a mirage?  YES its the first Gator stop, On top? I think not..  Quick down and immediate killer up.  You can crank up it in middle one if nobody is in your way, or later laps just suffer up in QM1 or pedestrian 2..  More up, gets a little more gradual, then flat..  Finally you cut into some new S-track that turns slightly more technical every lap, kind of up and rocky, some whoopty does, then downhill.. The lap is basically done at this point even though your on (mile 5) or so..  Crank down through S-track, through mud, onto fire road downhill, big ring, flat out.. Sharp right onto more FR, left onto Singletrack, hammer time, under power lines, past sign for Mile 6..  Bit rocky for some..Screaming straightish downhill with some hucks, 1.5 footers, To first mud section which got better with time..  Consistencey of port o potty 8 am steaming crap..  If you just follow the loosest line, youll flow right through, avoiding floating rocks and the occasional telephone pole!, back on S-track..  More downhill to 2nd mud bog with rideable planks, to flat, mile 7, more flat to gradual up, to QM something uphill from last year, top of hill 2nd gator station, up Fire road, right on ST, Its now REALLY all dowhnill to the car, Secton of ST from last year, WHoopty does, one roller coaster, mile 8, to field downill, right onto short rocky technical section that you just air over and almost die every other lap, taking a differen line each time just for fun..  More ST you are cranking with anticipation of bridge and rest, fly uphill and get air off the rock on right, twist H-bar GI-jane style, around corner get speed and go up the over under bridge, huck off the top, try to not miss the transition,, left towards pond and back to finish line row you dismount and run for hopefully someone ready to take a lap!   mile 8.5

Round 2 - After round 2 our group is hurting..  HLM and focker pulled muscles, hopefully not each others..  HLM is up for one more lap in the AM, Focker was pondering a midnight stroll through the woods but thought better, guinesssss, sleeeeeeep..  PMD, Rickshaw and I were still somewhat rare-ing to go..  Not sure why, We decided that the slower you tried to go up the hill the better off you were, and it didnt seem to effect the time, as long as you weren't walking.. 

My second lap was HELL, it was after 7:00 so I had to have a light, like an idiot, I followed race rules and mounted the light on my head.. Once I hit the downhill the helmet was all over my face since my strap on was loose.. Would I stop to adjust - no - IDIOT..  My stomach was cramping so I was either adjusting my helmet or holding my tummy - BOO freakin HOO you say..  So then im hammering down the Fire road big ring down and flat due to sharp rock..  Too funny, I passed this girl, flatted, fixed the flat and passed her again, she was so pissed because she didnt see me on the trailside, she THOUGHT I lapped her..  I laid her concerns to rest and told her I was very fast..  And she was slow in more than one way..   So you would think that while I changed my flat I would adjust my helmet, NO!!!   Still hammering down with helmet all over the place, finally stop and ditch the LIght!!  Think it was when I got mudd in my eyes, which wasnt so bad except for the fact that I couldnt see..

 Hand the batton to PMD eager to night ride..  Think she passed 3dm and said hello on that lap.. She kept her light off for most of the lap to conserve hid juice..  Beat that hardtail into the ground passing tons of riders up and down, got 1:03, fastest night lap..  She won a pair of handcuffs I plan on using some night this week..  See the pics..

 HLM rides and there is nobody to greet him at the transition tent..  We figured, why rush as we are down riders for night laps..   Rickshaw Cranked a 58 for his second lap!!! Awesome!!

So I see 3dm's heckler all decked out and I get fender envy..  Im like THATS what I need!!   She immediately pulls me over to bike and blade for negotiations..   I get the fender and later wheel and deal for bikerag advertising, all bike and blade wants if advertising, but I INSIST they also take my platapussy!!!   Thanks for the help bike and blade and dirty dancing donna matrix 3dm that is...  Now Im feeling a little more free-ride..

Time is of the essence and I needed to accomplish many tasks in the form of fueling..  So I made a new drink, kettle one, cyctomax, protein mix, and club soda..   Rickshaw gave me a handfull of spinach, tasted good, like dirt, I like things that taste like dirt, wish I had some indian food..

PMD broke a spoke and stripped a nipple, hey that has a ring to it, so im trying to fix it with the least effort, no matter how many times I yelled out "I need a nipple" to passers by, nobody helped..   NB was nice enough to give PMD a nice message - she says thank you, best message ever!!!  She owes you a rub or something..

Round 3 - Rickshaw does the batton transition at the campsite, and heads off into the darkness..  Im up next, decide to tighten my strap and mounts some lights.. So at 11:30pm I met rickshaw in the transition tent, just for Ha-ha's, took a nice slow lap, in case I was ready for more..  Had a great lap, talked to wolves, and myself, back to the finish and PMD was waiting..  I updated her on the conditions, more muddy, more rooty, more slickery, she is off..  I am deleriose, but wired, wish my back wasnt so sore, because my legs are fresh- Yes a joke..   So I get fired up and make some soup, crazy campsite soup, soup mix, plus pork, onions, squash, stuff like that..  Its cold and I have no warm clothes left..Crawl into the tent and wait for PMD's arrival at our tent, not the transition tent..  Im kind of ready, well I had my shorts on..  Cant sleep, to wired, may as well do one more lap..   Suit up, and crawl to the tansition tent "do I really need to tap this thing" they laughed..   Ran into 3dm, chatted for 5 minutes, shes like what are you doing?, oh I just started a lap..   So I ride, talking to myself and everyone on the trail.. Run into a girl with  a bloody nose who needs tissue.. I offer to cut her socks but she sees the knife in my hands and declines.. I ride on, leaving the bloody girl trailside.. Good lap my head lamp dies at the end, but had just enough light to get back..   So earlier rickshaw was like " I may be up for an early am lap", what did he mean by early??  6 am, 2 am, its all perspective..  I wasnt going to wake him, everyone was sleeping, im wired like a coke addict in vegas, but not ready for a double..  So I make some kava tea and hang out.. SWB wakes up and takes a walk to the powder room, wondering why I am sitting in the barfalounger drinking tea..  I hear a zipper..  Its rickshaw, takes a walk, comes back and is getting ready.. "your riding rickshaw?"  "yeah" as he gets ready his alarm goes off, its 4 am.. In his tent couldnt help but notice as he was gettin ready shadoes of him poking a voodoo doll, I think the doll was of himself, the sick bastard..   So he leaves, focker wakes up, takes a walk, cant find the batton so goes back to sleep..  Actually I think he sent SWB out first to see if the coast was clear..  I finally sleep, for an hour or so...

Round 4 - Rickshaw got back at 5:30 so for the first time we did not have a rider on the course for an extended time..  6:45 focker rides, bright and early as promised..  He does  a quick 1:03 lap and had fun..  Next up HLM, after sleeping 69 position with NB for most of the night, he is ready to ride and ride fast..  Nice 1:03 to match gary..  Next up PMD with a 1:03..  My head is so foggy, my stomach is all messed up, but after 75 trips to the porto-potty-jungle, I ride..   Not too hot, decent lap, I was very conservative as my lower back pain was like a PMS cramp..   As If..  I come back and RIckshaw is raring to go in the transition area!!   Complets his lap while we disrobe the campsite..  I am beat to shit..  Eyes are red as a sunburned monkey.. 

The last lap most of us got a nice greeting from our volunteer (SWB) at the second gator stop.  SO just want to say thanks to SWB for volunteering, good game..   We joked that her first MTB experience should be a lap on the 24 hour course, at night.   Now thats a test!!..  I think she is ready to ride - focker get her a bike already, I have parts, you have parts...  She said she heard many good stories from the top riders, the best was the woman solo WINNER who said she was on a team and her teamates decided they didnt want her, so they kicked her off, and she went on to win the solo..  Yeah you wouldnt want someone who can do 15 laps on your team!!  Hows that for an FU, congratulations..

We were lucky to have an injury free group, there were many an ambulance ride at this event..  On LWS's team, dave? from Bike and Blade, had a really nasty accident on the over under bridge and broke his femur..  I think there were many other fractures and brakes.  So hopefully everyone will heal up nicely and not be so unfortunate next time..

Focker waited for SWB and hung out for the ceremonies, even though we didnt think we won anything..  But we did!!   PMD got fastest night lap, and I got a free seatpost because they were ashamed to see kalloy uno on my blur..  I think 3dm's team got 2nd and won plattapussies, new pussies with flashing red light, you know, for the red light district races..  Godd job Donna, you and your team deserve it!!   I think our team, team 225, bikerag is not a crime, got 5th place, that would be a copper or tin medal I think..  Hey crash test, are you still hording our medals from last year??

So HLM, NB, PMD and myself had some food on the way home.. Then we parted and drove home.. PMD and I were both tired, driving in separate vehicles, thinking the same thoughts, about getting a motel, to sleep that is..   Talking to ourselves, sticking our heads out the window, counting shoes on the side of the road..  At least I had a coffee, my routine was I would take a small sip every 2 miles..  It worked, I finally stopped nodding off..  Sticking sharp things into your body works too, wish I had some roach clips..   I was awake enough NOT to run over these 2 helmetless mountain bikers blindly crossing the road when I was almost home..  They say not to beep your horn when confronting cyclists on the road, but when there headed for your car and your going 60, its not a bad idea, scared the crap out of them and woke me up even more..  PMD and I both made it home, Focker called PMD to give her the news about winning fastest lap, so for a while she wasn't talking to herself..

Rating - 13 muddy nipples (ready to lick), probably squirting milk as they are attached to a large cow, next to the fence that we rode by..  Thats all folks, ok - throw in a few clear plastic bags of decomposing body parts, a 5 gallon solar shower full of porto-potty mudd (at least its hot!), and 900 square inches of black and blue fruit roll ups, that you will stuff with rickshaws 3 am spinach drizzled with Tri-Flow.  Ummmmm, im hungry..   Translation - Five full 24 hours of adrenaline Tacos, each with a glass of pukemaster squoze milk..

Good game Guys..  Im so proud of our team, we kicked ass, all of us, yes even me...   I had the attitude that I would perceive this race as a solo, with LOTS of help, expecting one or 2 laps from each of the team, thank god that wasn't true, I would have been ruined for the summer!!   Imagine if we prepared for the race, oh seriously what fun would that have been??   Thanks again for joining the team, especially on last minute notice..   Rickshaw, you are the MVP, and my new hero - hope you made it home ok..

PM

Good job on the course this year - whoever is responsible -(Shaun Garvey)   Much better than last year, the over under was wicked cool, hope you keep it for next year, even though some people almost died on it..   Also put a

PS - I bet next year we have 3 teams

PSS - I bet everyone will have a see saw at there campsite, one of our neighbors got jealous, scrounged up some wood and made a cheesey board ride to 2 footer, didn't see anyone ride it though..

PSSS - its raining out, Blur is still on top of the xterra, getting a free wash..

PSSSS - What did I miss??  I will post this under the forum TOO so you can comment..  DOes anyone have pictures of team 225 bikerag is not a crime??  Saw lots of cameras throughout the event..