Rain rain go away fock with us some other day..  SO its saturday, its sunny, its warm, its dry, its sunny, its sprinkling, its sunny again, lets ride..  So I get out my ridelist and start the early am phone calls with the highest kill ratio's... I even called ankle-biter!! QM is so pissed at me he changed his cell #!!  Rookie still puking from our excurstions last night in hartford..  Dr. splatt had an appointment with some pavement..  Focker is so dedicated he is cross trainging for our upcoming event and going coed naked kayaking.. May I remind him that we are not doing the H-tech challenge... Everyone else is game for 12:00 Soapstone, because its not case, and its great in the rain... 

So Im running late, eating a sandwich at subway in vernon, and I look up to see, a midas sign, a kahoots sign a fireworks sign, and a package store sign..  This is like heaven, what more can you need beside the hardware store to my right..   So again, im running late, dont even stop for a coffee - liar - so Im running late but get there right at noon ready to meet the huge crew waiting for my presence..  The lot is empty. I think, did I say meshomasic or soapstone.. Crap..   Couple Couple and LUTC shows up with his dimensionally challenged Jeckly and Hinee bike..   Suprized to see him with sprinkles in the air..   Soon PMD shows up, whoo hoo, HLM, NB, and rob who wants a name, he will get one..  Hot lips was in the house too..  Lots of parking lot riding, HLM falls off the short log..  Speaking of short logs, so hes trying out my bike and standing over it noticing the lack of clearance clarence..  And I quote!!  "I only have 3.5"..   PMD chimes in 3.5 is plenty (and she would know!)..  So this turns into nurse betty recalling there conversation of size doesnt matter the night before..  Just remember now that HLM has a blur he can make 4.5 inches feel like 6 so that would make 3.5 feel like 5, which QM says is way below pornstar average, so the moral of the story is, dont give up your day job for a porn career just yet..   So hot lips is hovering over LUTC's hatch and discovers his shinny tools, yes more than one, for her pleaser.. He keeps his tools in a very clean box too..   Everyone is rushing to check out LUTC's tools, but me..   So LUTC's decides Hot Lips Pedal can be fixed in seconds, apparently 30000 seconds, and its still not fixed but he was a trooper for trying, and now its starting to rain.. BUt BOB finally showed up..  He will get a name too..  ROb and bob im so confused, its a good thing Neil isnt here.. 

So finally we ride - epic parking lot riding, pee and maintenance session..   OF course its just started raining, and is about 1:00..  Up the road we pass a 6' blonde poodle.  We arrange at the trailhead, give the instructions, and pound the muddy singletrack...   First mud bog claimed a few feet in a 4 bike pig pile, I had to lube my cleats anyway..  Bob flats, we ride on..  Waiting at the intersection, find a perfect 6" to practice on, nurse betting pulls some meat from her pack and eats it, then she tries the 6" and eats it too..  It was a nice highly elevated wheelie drop banked turn landing that would tear most tires off the rim. She survived, I gave some lessons, nobody listened..   SRR Smuggling Raisings Rob hit the 6" a bunch of times on his hard tail..  Finally tubeless bob who apparently needs a rim job shows up, he thought about riding the rim, like old times, but smartened up..  I suppose until I come up with a better name bob could be RJB rim job bob..  OF course I want him to be on the 24 hour team so maybe I should be easy on him.. 

To FR Jump, blurs in the air!!  2 laps ride on, to blue, to tight tree up..  I frop 3 times and give up, NB cleans the right line!!   LUTC finally got it, I think..   SRR fell at the top..  To Homey depot, nothing to see here but some delapadated stunts, which we spend a couple minutes on...   TO V-roller, many takers NB, HLM, PMD with a few QM's, new bike excuse, but cleans it..   HLM wins a bet with TB..

Onward, RJB and I up front, showing him all the lines not to take..   To rock stunts, we do some free-standing.. I try the 2 foot up and just about sprain my ankle..  Everyone else shows up and rides the handicapped ramp, everyone cleans it, PMD didnt even QM it!!  GOod job..  DOwn, its raining now..  To blue, RJB is cruising..  Decided to pass on cheesecake rock trail for the first time in history..  ROde on and found some great lines with some rock jumps..  To log ride I hit at full speed, everyone else flies by..  PMD went double donging by, not once not twice but thrice.. NB went down fast according to RJB...  Finally everyone heard the nocking, we figured out the problem after the ride, its just the derailure banging the frame, if it would just splooge some white lightning on the chain when its done..  The double dong chain lube fix..   OK - To pancake intersection rock, I clean effortlessly to trick everyone else, HLM does a nice 1/2 gainer nose dive UP it landing in the bushes..    He is the contusion king..   TO white, RJB crusing, follows me up the rock ramp..  ONward.. Nose up to 2 footer I daba liscouse smear, unclip and scoot behind the seat roller down..  What a cluster fruck..  To left turn, I cautiously slow down and make sure all the important people are with us - I hear PMD and move on..  So hammer though, meanwhile SRR goes OTB after the slickrock to mud section..  His helmet vents are full of mudd, but hes still smiling..

Back on blue, its pouring out, I do an impressive 1.5 foot wet rock uphill drop and manage a twa to get some tractione'.  My front end is clanging, CLANG CLANG..  Took the shock apart last night and totally rebuilt it, im sure its still messed.. TO fire road, we go right, NB concerned that we are not taking the easiest route home as she is running out of meat..  At one point, it was funny, RJB is like, so your on a protein diet..  "no im on a no carb diet"..   A side note, NB has natural blonde hair.. She is also trying to brew her own beer, in her stomach!!   LTMKBML...

FIre road, my blur is misshitting..  Clang clang click click clunk clunk.. Its raining, im wet, everyone is wet, RJB is loving it.. LEft on blue I sucker HLM again into a slippery rock crossing, I think he crashed but not entirely sure as visibility was under 6 bike lengths with cloudy muddy skies..  Cruising the blue 100% downhill was fun as hell, until I got a double shot of gunk in both my eyes.. "IM GOING BLIND", I cried, but nobody heard me because I was so far out front..  Yup 50 feet, actually RJB was already back at his car whipping off his rims..  SO PMD stops as I douse my eyes with sweaty water, I felt like my dog max on a bad gooey eye day..  At least my ears don't smell..  Back to the car - PMD finds out why you don't put Insect repellent on your helmet - her eyes are stinging, its still raining..  

Off to Chinese food and I didn't even stop for coffee - Liar - Im a good liar, how can I profit from this, I suppose a sales job would do..  Is there a sales job where I can work less than 2 hours a day, I suppose I could just fudge my time sheit..

So Its not over - this is too funny, later on - PMD and I were watching the discovery channel hopping to see some wild animal action since I don't get 300 channels of porn like rookie, so anyway, There were these leopords , mother Leopord and cubs.. They were chewing on some animal carcus as some nobby comentator enthusiastically mimics the cute noises they are making.. So Im like HEY, how can these animals survive on just eating meat?   PMD replies, "I don't know but Nurse Betty Does..." HLM you lucky bastard... 

Rating - Oh what's in a rating anyway??   OK - Ill make it simple, just 5 feet of lower intestine, full of 7.5 weight fork oil, held back by a rolled up and folded piece of ham that is stuck in your blow hole held in only by a tooth pic that you later use to clean those contusions out of your teeth from last recap rating..   Actualy since the ham has a toothpick though it, you may as well add a green olive or the nearest handy substitute a small ball of green poop..  Flush twice and change the sheets, its sunday for Christ sake..  Hmmm Ive managed to hit almost all the buttons here , guess some lesbian mermaids to do your oil soaked laundry will top the cake..   That's what I want on my wedding cake, mermaid lesbians, preferably full size and penetratable, it can be like a bachelor party and wedding orgy all in one shot - grandparents welcome - DOH.. Hey wait a minute, do mermaids even have virginas??   Someone ask tom hanks.. 

GUess im "getting off" the subject - the rating, 5 slices of no carb ham and roast beef wedding cake frosted  with dong dong derailure white lightning

GOod game, nice game, good game..  Thanks for coming - PM