Crash Test Feels the Pain

So I'm on my way to middlesex, just got off the exit and I see this White beamer with an  mtb on top headed for me - its rookie..  He arrived early, saw some frightful hills and decided to bail (I assume)..  So I honk at him, he wakes up, does a U-ey, and follows me to the ride..  So the crew - Rookie, Puke, PMD, TT, Shake & Bake and crash test..  Jungle boogie loop, very slick, nemesis rock 0 for 6..  Cross 2 roads (without looking both ways), to power lines, to semi-tough downhill one, I go left, get stuck, hop, and reluctantly let go of the brakes, It was a miracle hogi yogi got me through it in one piece..  CT right behind me on different line demonstrates some great  OTB form but lands like a cat as ALMOST always..  Rookie came close to on-sighting it, cleans the steep part but does a 50% endo at the bottom.. Nice job..  CT - relentless, goes back for the ridicurouse way right line, makes it over the rock, and stumbles into the forgiving laurel..

    Bridge to tough up, lots of takers, no cleaners, the excuses have been flying around like flies on the rim of a freshly puked on gas station toilet that doesnt flush..  CT "I already rode today" (we heard that one about 75 times), but im not one to talk "I hung sheetrock today", "this bike is a piece of SHHHEIIIIIT", "LX sucks" etc...  TT only mildly complaining about chain suck..  To insane downhill #2 - Nothing to see here - my bike got stuck on a root just walking it, CT and Rookie give it a half baked effort..  Onward, to fire road left, then right, up loose rock hill (hey I finally made something), the crew follows, down hill, up slickrock sections..  To the "rock" uphill - I go 20 ft several times, crash test falls, TT falls on top of him..  PMD cleans the rock face behind us on the un-intentional line..  CT finally makes it..  Right turn, to sketchy downhill, I almost buy a tree, CT at some point wrecks his cluster, then we find a new stunt at the bottom..  Its a forked tree that you ride through, ramp in front, drop on exit, its TIGHT, so enjoy your stay..  CT rolls it first, 2nd attempt decides to launch and somehow whipes it, into hogi yogi...  Crash fest..  Rookies bars are too big, get stuck in the tight tree, but hump my way out - yes it was entertaining...  To chinese wall (I walked it PMD!), then nemesis downhill #3, Following crash, under low tree, I closed my eyes for 5 seconds, gritted my teeth and somehow pulled through letting go of the brakes once again (1st time for me), Rookie of course on-sights it..  Raising the question of why the F do we call him rookie since he rides better than most of our group after 2 months on the trail..  BASTARD..  Skipping the stream loop, we traverse under the wall, and head back, back up, seemingly forever in focking middle one..  Cant get "into granny"..  Even jumping up and down and yelling, still wont get into granny..  Maybe if I adjust my brakes I can get into granny, or maybe hogi yogi just needs a paint job....  CT up front, PMD having a great ride passes me, we wait for the crew at the top of sunset rock..  Rookie and S&B do the hunched over walk of shame up the rock, but actually weren't behind by that much!!  To some more up, to red downhill..  PMD gets the steep rock root slickrock after inner contemplation..  

    To see saw stunt, CT and I run up to it and examine..  See saw looks a little sketchy, when you STAND on the VERY end of it, it starts to pivot..  The rungs are wet, the rock is wet, the rungs aren't very solid, the rungs are fastened with twine, the dismount is bad....  OK CT is in, camera is out - nails the see saw slowishly, but does a phenomenal strange 5 G acceleration to the ramp, spitting out a rung, finds himself heading for a 4 foot side drop, tries to wheelie, sh!T, no dice, tries to clip out (no luck), tries to wheelie again (he is in the air now), crash's head first, hands out, bike attached to him flailing behind and gets sliced like a slab of 2.99 ham at the stop and shop deli..  Blood spurting out like a mini fire hydrant I rush over with the camera for a macro crash pic..  S&B breaks out the medical kit and tapes him up..  I decide that this is my chance to show up crash so I ride the saw, try to control my speed (like and idiot) and end up heading for the same precarious position CT was in, but grab a tree as I trip over my bars..  Next time it will go down..  CT is probably there right now..  CT-"I may need stitches"  "hospital?"  - "no my mom can stitch me up - hope she wasn't drinking tonight"  All dowhnill to the car, we get home safely..

RATING - Not feeling very creative hear today so Ill used the rating generator +++++++++++++ 4.9 buckets of scraps from your local ear and nose hair stylist..  You can be assured that there will be many wax and snot reminents to, but are un-noticable, if blended sufficiently with that organic, high fiber, high protien smoothie..   Yes the bearded smoothie, a pukemaster special..  Make that 4.9 bearded smoothies, topped with braun razor stubble in substitiution for those unhealthy chocolate shots that contain all sorts of partially hydrogenated coconut oils....

Nice ride - Nice small group - Nice to have no dogs, good pace 4 miles and 100 vertical DOOOOOH!!