The first group ride of the season appeared out of thin air on sunday..   Couple phone calls and one trip to the birch mountain road lot to "pick up" and before you know it the cull-de-sack on mountain road was full of SUV's, bullits and blurs..   Who came???  Mainly QM in his pants at mile 1, but beside that we have new contestants from the hills of great barrington 3dm - Dirty Dancin Donnamatrix,  Little Weenie Steve, Nameless, make that Kneeless steffen, Radical Dave..   Locals & semi's - HLM, Nurse Betty, PMD, QM (he came again), Rigid Dave, Long hair ?mike?, well his names Bon Jovi for now, Tony Hawk Male Prostitute, Tubless T-shirt Todd (triple T, more extreme than triple X) and a disheveled pukemaster..   Honorable mentions - Rookie and cookie are literaly "moving furntiture", Lawn boy had to bring broken rib steve or ICE-PICK for no reason, a samich, and im guessing some beer, which like the fish from the bible multipied into a twelve pack and kept them hydrated and entertained for hours..  GI Jane is in FL getting rid of his tan lines for his exhibitionist trip to moab..   Yup guys only..   BIg Bird didnt even have the decency to call in sick - bet he's climbing some slopers..

So case mountain, follow the yellow helmet for now..   Out of shape mountain biker train coalition heading for metavomit like our troops to bagdad..  KS nails the slug, me too, memories from saturday, snow hitting me in the face on impact..  Everyone entertained by our mini-me see saw..   To chair stunt, couple takers, couple dabs..  Many lines around skidder rock, I cut PMD off as she bangs me in the rear..   Easy guys..   loose rock ride to 3 foot roller, HLM contemplating too much as he falls off the shale ledge..   Couple other takers..  Tight tree finds some constipation, HLM needs to tune up his forks..   Onward, the Bike & Blade boyz follow me over the steep roller, chest meet seat, seat meet chest.. DAM, these guys can ride!!   To homey ramp, to Bigger see saw, just about everyone cleans..   Little weenie steve having some testosterone problems on entry, but gets it..  THMP, doesnt even hesitate!!  PMD 2, QM just slid down the 4 foot slugger and im "bustin a nut laughin on the inside"..   Yup, Time pedals are great guys!!  Just make sure your in focking granny one thinking about your macintosh when you fall.. 

To spur, or not to spur that is the question..  Up spur the coalition follows, KS gets his name as he follows me up submarine rock but falls off rembering the alamo on the way down, he lies there, in a pile of leaves and crap, uttering crap at himself for being so focking stupid or something..  We offer encouragement "well your having surgery in a week anyway", someone kick him in the head so his knee doesnt hurt so much..  Anyway - a trooper he hobbles behind us..  To mc900foot blind faith, must have been hit with some skuds, 2 of 3 ramps in shambles, some infrastructure rebuilding must happen soon..   To red we run into OBD (other brother daryl) and radar..  OBD wants the helmet cam for moab..    To yellow, we split, KS and RD are pointed to the 50 ft to car route..  REst go to chimney - THMP in the lead..   1 foot practice drop entertains most - NB made progress on every lap.. 3dm, does something between a huck and a nose wheelie...Shtyle points..    To Pink where OF COURSE we meet up with JOe skirt and company..  Chit Chat - to overlook, to ledge trail we all pass the QM'ing fat boy, PMD takes the hard line that was once thought to be the sleezy line..   Were on blue, many follow me down the newish roller, fearless NB stoked..   Rigid Dave breaks HLMS Times, putting them out of there misery, QM sheds a tear to the loss..   To red, to spur, Fork contemplation, QM contemplating mileage options, back on metavomit.., Left on Fort, QM's legs are starting to "stiffen up"..  Back to the car nurse betty hangs with QM, offering him usefull medical advice (like "get off the ground QM")  .. QM's legs turned into one big PMS cramp..   He was the last one to hobble back to the car, reminds me of lawn boy at meshomasic on the 13 miler - OUCH...  ADRIANE!!!!!

Nice ride - Hungry tiger for eats and drinks..   Little weak on the nachos (should have gone with the "mother of all nachos), strong on the drinks though..   LWS and 3dm leading the conversation on hairy lesbians in skirts and jeans, yes both..  THMP, ready to take a drive with his hedge trimmers and see who cleans up for his next date in the skybox..  What happened to QM - bet hes in his car contemplating the trip from car to bar..  lots of stairs I cant blame him..

Rating (4.34 buckets of lactic acid drained from QM's legs) - thats what the spring breakers will be drenched with at the next mardigra wet t-shirt contest..   The winner gets to drink a full pint glass of BIg Birds clot infested urine from the last climbing recap, disquised as corona of course..

Good ride, Great group, very little whining.. The bad news is in - A PATHETIC 7.5 miles, 500 vertical in 3 hours - gotta start somewhere!! - PM

Recent quotes, across the globe

" it wasn't how big she was, it was how small she wasnt" - THMP at case

" how was the powder?  Nipple high??"  Hot lips of course

" we have to get the lip on the wood" PM original - "yes thats the general idea" - BIg BIrd

"how do YOU know there soft?", What does F stand for??!! - FWB