Its Saturday, its Seventy Degrees out - time to call up the "A-team" for a semi aggresive ride.. Meat at the green gate at 1:30 - Everyone was late.. PMD, Hot lips, Focker, shake and bake, PIT and puke.. Conversation goes downhill faster than Monica lewinski on a lollipop... Hot lips - "Jon Ill have to get you my new email address." PM - "is it at HOTmail.com?".. No actually I have high speed COCKS internet Broadband (the internet for chicks only).. Some swapping before the ride - I give focker and PMD some lube (and they ran happily into the woods), focker gave me some CD's etc.... OK took a while to assemble the team, shake and bake was already cringing.. Up the wastelands logged trail, left on fire road, right on blue, past the abandoned, totaled, destroyed, izuzu with bikerag sticker on bumper, finally right on some single track.. TO the next crossing some contemplation, some urination and decided to go straight without any explanation.. Focker and I up front hear "trouble" from behind.. So we reluctantly backtrack to find hot lips STILL down for the count.. She tries to get up but apparently got punched in the kidneys either by shake and bake (because he was sick of being last) or by mike tyson. PIT being the only mini van driving responsible one in the group has his cell, with life star pre-programmed with voice commands.. Anyway so Hot lips is still lounging in the dirt, in pain, so we try to cheer her up and crack some jokes, she laughs and her kidneys hurt even more (what a bunch of medics we have here).. Finally she gets vertical, dazed and confused, and suprizingly regains her composure.. So she pulls down her shorts to show us the wound - PM "aahhh - a little lower tracy!" I show her the bail route BUT she follows us like a trooper.. Onward, left at intersection, hard up everyone? cleans, tight single track, to rocky fire road - PIT right behind me, creaking away.. To downhill, I wimp out on arrow head rock, but clean the next big one. See an older guy on the trail that can outride all of us, awesome downhill, many broken bikes at the bottom.. PMD broke her derailleur and lost a spoke, Fokker broke a cable, Shake and bake needs to duct tape his ligaments together.. To del reeves road, right, girls go back to the car (thats PMD and hot lips - not all of us!!).. Up to hell, down goat trail, back home.. So PMD and I were the last to leave and we witnessed the Redneck dog walking phenomenon thrice.. Thats when you take your dog for a walk by letting him out of the car and following him at 20 mph while you most likely are drinking a bud can that you will throw out your window.. (N T T I A W W T)..
As you can see from this recap, I am Dame bramaged
Rating - 4 cups of ear wax, that's enough to get even the hairiest Italian Bikini line ready for summer thong time.. Bikerag is environMENTALLY friendly so make sure and recycle that pile of ear wax and pubes.. I suggest mixing it in your favorite ice cream... Make sure and floss when your done.
If you were not invited sat, you either suck, or I don't have your phone number, or most likely both.
Recent ride stuff That cracked me up
Case - ran into some guy who recognized me from 50' - hey your bikerag - "im just one of many bikerag.com's riders"..... blah blah blah... "I actually printed out the bikerag case map, but left it in the car" CLASSIC - I was almost on the ground laughing..