**WARNING - this recap is highly, extremely... ridicurous. A spell
check may crash your computer.

Sing it dessert girl (with your finger down your throat)
I wan't a newww man.. One that makes my bed move. one that doesnt
tuck his shirt in.. or drink toooo much.
do dunt dun da da da da...
I want a newww man.. One that doesnt climb.. one that wears fancy
black suits.. and costs.. more than a dime
do dunt dun da da da da...
one that makes me nervouse wondering what to do - one that makes me feel
how I feel when I puuuuke
when im alooooone I puke... when im aloooone I puke ..
babeeey...
I want a newww man.. one that wont make me sick.. one that wont
crash my car.. when im sucking on his prick
do dunt dun da da da da...
I want a newww man.. one that wont make my mouth dry ... or my butt
real real red..
do dunt dun da da da da...
I want a newww man.. I want a new man,, thats hung,, like a
painnnnnt' can....
do dunt dun da da da da...
I want a new man.. one that isnt ill.. one that doesnt cost too
much.. or mind me taking pills
do dunt dun da da da da...
I want a new man.. one that does what it should.. one that doesnt
climb real bad... or bike reallll good
do dunt dun da da da da...
one that makes me nervouse wondering what to do - one that makes me
feel how I feel when I puuuuke
when im alooooone I puke... when im aloooone I puke ..
babeeey...
Repeat as many times as necessary, and sorry yrag you missed 2 weeks
of harrasment..

ok - that was bad - forgive me - im sure gumby knows this song like the
back of her "belay" hand.


Pissalot came by for some free food ($1 of meat stew) and some
renovations to his new bike - we transported ourselves down to PC via a
phone booth in front of the vernon dunkin donuts with george carlin at
the controls (dude!). PMD beats us all down and wears herself out in
the bouldering cave. Gumby and Tone loke were first to climb and
probably flopped on some 5.8's but I wasnt really watching - actually I
heard she cleaned a pretty nice inverted 5.8+ (so did barbie). Tony the
flopping tuna acutally flops like no other.. I wasnt sure if he was
climbing or mating with the swiss cheese hold. Speaking of those god
damm swissers.... Whats brown and has holes in it?? Swiss sh!t..
Tangents o plenty tonight. I am drunk. PMD started on the blue breast
wall (man those breasts have gotton too much action, stop squezing them
so hard guys!!), and then headed straight for the skywall PINK ( a slice
of heaven compared to those gnarly black and blue breasts). I warmup on
the new red unrated breastwall and flash it - no way its a 5.10b because
I suck, suck it hard go down baby - remember sex rhymes - ahhh.. Ok so
barbie shows up and climbs like he is on the set of cast away trying to
signal a nearby aircraft (but it crashes and instead he has to go back
to work - so sorry mister bond) , and pissalot just stood around gabbing
like a girl, and then belayed me for 5 hours on the 5.12 blackie new
nemi. I worked on the skywall caution earlier and almost nocked down
(not nocked up I might add for your f'ing perverts out there) trad girl
as she was wearing a bull target red sweater. Ok so maybe I was at
second base. SOB looked like she was not having a great night which
probably means she just missed another 5.11d or something.. Shake and
bake shows up late (wedding ring and all) with cronic my back is so sore
from the honeymoon syndrom - but he still manages to climb some
5.8++++'s.. 2 drinks and i feel like im gonna puke. OH!! Butt Munch
and skid mark show up and BM or ICBM (Illeterit Captain BUtt Munch) Just
about crie's when he sees the 5.11c breast wall is taken down down down.
(chia pet called and ordered the route be taken down im sure!)
Smokey bar - Its tuesday - The bar is packed - there is a band
playing tonight - im sure they suck, but thats just my incredibly
positive attitude - There is so much white trash in here, I dont know if
I should light a match or call reliable refuse. PMD goes home to have
her very flat baby (yes again, we put the other one in the toaster and
covered it with syrup). This time we realize that since it just came
out of the oven its already cooked. So we have to threaten Glen for a
table and we have already lost pissalot in the crowd of...... well..
Left over dessert.. more specificallllly kEy lime pie with most
likely.... some sort of ..... crust (her new sidekick hewey lewis) like
all pies have these days.. OH - I see someone familiar!! Someone
famouse - I think she was in tom cruises latest porn movie Eyes Glued
Shut.. DOH!! IM sure she will be working at PC soon. Seniore P loves
"snatch"... Its fantastic! "I cant get enough snatch".. So gumby
(senioritta pissalott) was busy sifting through the white trash for her
special pink project, while the rest of us looked reluctantly at baby
pictures of our waitress (you know what I mean) "not mine!" "is this a
raffle?" "how much?" "the bill, how much is the bill ie check please!
I dont want your stinkin babies".. "Ill trade you".. Ok so we are
leaving and jenny "white trash groupy band chick....from hell"
approaches us " would you lika a CD?" --- PM "sure, I could use another
coaster" Jenny "its 5$" PM " No way" PM " So what band is it?" Jenny
"why its the band thats playing" PM " you have got to be kidding
me".... She later attacks me in the mens bathroom on the way out -
thank god kardio kicking barbie and high pressure pissalot were there to
save me.. One high heel to the head and a 600 psi golden shower and she
was down for the count, only if Butt munch was there to save her with a
little butt to mouth ressusitata.. ta.. ta..(phtt!) tation... I think
we could have taken on the hole bar if Icbm and boy skid mark were
there, it would be like a bad clint eastwood movie, monkey included.. I
hope barbie made it home alright as we saw him wandering aimlessly (is
there any other way to wander) in the local pet cemetery, looking for
level tombstone to put his beer on... Mobil station phone booth - 2
quitars and im home alone once again - sob sob - just me, a climbing
wall and an extremely stupid, yet willing dog.. Ruf ruf ..

Rating - what you want a freakin rating too! I didn't write enough crap
already? Ok - lets see - it was a pretty good climb, excellent post
climb, bad company.. I give it 4 concrete soaked babies, wait that's
sick, how about 4 vacumm bagged white trash smokey bar girls, packaged
like sardines, ready for the a good thaw and a really big soup - no 1$
off meat required. Ok some men with white suits just showed up to take
me away -

PS - welcome back - Shake and Piss not necessarily in that order.

QOTD - "its easter, jesus walked on water, cant you make it up that
5.11c?"

PSS - this may just be the longest crap ever.

PSSS - try not to slip on it

PSSSSS - stop reading - go back to work














Oh you just had to keep reading - fock off - stop following me















Jack of all trades - master of puke - your own jackasspukemaster - PM