Remember Recraps are always 98% true - I wouldn't lie to you - not today anyway..

Its Wed night, ride night and we are climbing once again due to excessive moisture in my boxers and on the trees according to LUTC..  So its FOCKER & Wasabi Nuts (riding together for the first time - he survived the trip), Puke and ROOKIE gym DeBUT.. Tony Hawk Pro Skater is up in Beantown giving Lobotomies to leprechauns..   So WN starts out strong and hard cleaning his piss yellow nemesis and his white knuckle climb of death..   Focker wants to cut to the flopping and start out on 10d red..  I follow suit and tie in on the 11 polish polka dot with the blood red menstrual dots..  Flop once cry twice..  Speaking of which, people, get working on that "its that time of the month - no entry G-string"....  Focker on blue white stripe due to Pete's shameless promotion of awkward moves..  He gets on and actually makes a record time of flopping.. He's hanging there, my testis compressed into Nabisco wafers - hey speaking of cookies - rookie ACTUALLY shows up..  Harness and hair cut in hand - not necessarily in that order..  Figured he would lighten himself up as much as possible - following splats lead of shaving his grapes of wrath..  Ok So he finally frops to the top and gets a prize by doing a pullup "rock on"..  He makes me climb it, I flop a little, but slighlty more gracelullylike..  WHile gary was hanging 10 (10 minutes), I was trying to help rookie with his harness as splatt did not want to look more gay..  Finally with some instruction - he was straped in.. 

    Time for pukemaster UN-climbing lessons 101..  Start rainbowing on the slab - no problem..  5.4 route - no problem - time to go vettical..  Rookie was having some trouble tying the figure 8 knot..  I kept showing him which hole to stick it in but he always went elsewhere..    Finally he ties the double penetration 8 knot and climbs up the vertical 5.6 gold..  He comes down and wishes for "something harder"..    Wasabi was busy wining about the lack of lessons I gave him, and is confused about the server side treatment..  So we bitch swap so I can climb..  2 flops for me on the unrated black 12..  Focker up next - flops too, hands are tired, from what we dare ask..  French women are talking in there native tounge everywhere, I felt like a foreigner..  Wasabi throws rookie on the 5.7 limey - Now he sees what its all about, having to make moves, fall off, get back on, fall off again, its like hes on a mechanical bull, but completely different..  Finally wasabi forces him to climb an "easy" ampitheatre route..  Sushi Bastard..  So we see EM (Ego Mike) and he says hello..  Asking about our level of flopping,  we reciprocate, he has been busy whacking his balls into holes in the grass, but contest he will still kick our sad indoor climbing ass's...  Ok - so hes right, then he left..  Now rookie moves on to blue, unrated 5.8 blue..   Holy frustration batman..  After many a flop makes me climb it...  "I dont know how to climb 5.8's!"..  I clean giving some great unbeta..  He later at least makes a couple more moves as he clings to the arret like a scared monkey..  Its getting late and even the turkeys are getting tired..  So Sushi Bastard attacks the breast wall like a scalded monkey and ends up upside down and sideways while I give him the reverse belay and laugh my ass off..  While he was upside down, his testees fell out and some short french bikini wearing french girl put them back after a quick gargle (THIS IS WHY I DON'T WEAR SHORTS IN THE GYM)..  One more trip up the unrated 12 black for me I flop just once at the top before a half ass lunge for the ribbed slug hold..

So the climb is over - Focker and I give advice on health insurance to girls who date physical therapissts for free rubs..  We give THEM sh!t within 5 seconds for a change..  Post climb PMing for me - Sabaticals? half door?  full door?  - Quick call to check my work schedule - have to go do some last minute landscaping, yes I got a new leaf blower..  So although I can not elaborate on my night, I can for the rest of the crew..

So team guiness drives north - rookie busy punching in coordinates on his gps UNIT, wonders if he has ever been kicked out of this bar..  So they go, drink beers, sushi bastard drinking club soda in my honor..  Sushi Nuts gets hit in the head with a pretzel and  suddenly realizes that he left his HID lighting strap in the gym (again - DAM velcro) so heads back to PC at 97 mph to get there before they close..  Lights are off but he pushes a side door open and hears voices, then sees flashes of light in the back room..  So he has his light looking for his strap on in the locker area..  He found it and is about to Snnnnneak out the door when a french lingerie model emerges from the darkness of sky wall..  She is covered in chalk, and nothing but chalk but crying because she has just been cut from the 2003 nude indoor climbing calender that they are shooting in the back room..  SPLATT WAKE UP...   So he comforts her and finds a conveniently placed fleece blanket to wrap her with..  After much contemplation she talks him into bringing her home..  The only catch here is that she lives in france..   Splatt wake UP...  "huh"..    TO BE CONTINUED WHEN HE RETURNS FROM HIS TRIP................................  I suggest you get your car detailed so all that DNA is removed from your dashboard...

Rating - Just a pool table with two balls left and they are curiously both #2..  Oh plus 2 bikerag "save a tree eat a beaver" g-strings in the corner pocket and 7 condoms stuck to the wall..