Allow myself to in-t-r-od-u-c-e myself.. My name is PUke-meister and I
have blisters on my fingers (and tennis elbow I might add)

Focker and I commuted down and met SOB, Neil, DJ and DJ Coffee-E. DJ
Coffee-E's wife (Evil D ) made Voodoo hair dolls of us and must have
been twisting them around all night - feel the pain.. DJ C's projects
were dropping like turds out of a well fed elephant - 5.10a yellow - a
walk in the park - 5.9+ biege - didnt even THINK about dabbing.. (must
have been those pre climb donuts or the needles in his back!!).. DJ
cleans white unrated.. I tried the 5.12 black like 6 times, 9
different ways.. It was an enjoyable Flop and I ended up - upside down
of course.. Neil cleaned it!! Its funny he was really excited about
getting the "first Ascent" on it - like he was climbing some rock face
in costa rica that was hidden from civilazation for 1000's of years....
Oh who am I kidding, I love getting on those virgin routes, reaching
into those fresh holds for the first time, not knowing what to expect,
how many fingers to cram in (sometimes a whole fist), gently easing into
the crack, massaging those perky round slopers with a weakening grip,
praying you FINISH the first time, rope suddenly twisting around your
neck like a rapidly growing vine - damn voodoo dolls... HEY pay
attention - easy now... So I FINALLY get the 5.12 green limey, focker
dangles on the black breast 11 and sweats up all the holds.. Then he
gets on the beige 5.10+ ampitheatre, dangles for, and I timed it 12
minutes, I got tennis elbow, he got even more sweaty but a good view of
the hand warmers below.. I walk the 11+ pink arrett, dab once at the
very last move on 5.11c back room. Mark works on the first move on 11c
and wonders why he is climbing it now that its rated (DOH - those
needles again).. Gary has another flopathon o\n the new biege 5.11.. I
epically flop on the new 5.13 orange - minus my ass.. Actually make
progress, flopping up 2 holds past the big yellow ugly thing. New
excuse #37 - the tags from the other route are in the way - no joke..
I mention Dianas name and she appears like an apparition (in an x-games
jacket) in the back room.. Some say I lead a charmed life... DJ coffee
E needs to go home or he will look feel like a cactus and most likely
ooze guinness, like a beer can full of bullets - We go to smokey and
talk about having dreams about sex with strangers (who just happen to be
in the bar).. Gary offers to go shopping at wall mart for 5 minutes, Di
says she only needs one (YUP im that GOOD)....

Some good stuff from past climbs....

Anonymouse - so as not to incriminate anyone - "she is like a hamburger
at a fast food resteraunt" - PM "wait a minute, that doesn't make any
sense if that were true than she would be SMALLER than advertised!!!"
anonymouse climber "No I mean after you buy it, you dont want to eat
it" PM "on the floor laughing - I guess you had to be there

SOB Cabernet' - thats lisa whining on 5.12's with very little feet.

Nice Freakin climb - Rating (better hang on to your panyhose for this
one)- your bed is 75 feet in the air sitting on top of a tower of naked
lesbians, you are so tired and must climb these strangers to get up to
your sacred nest. The TEMTATION is that you ask one of them to join
you, but in doing that you know the tower will come crumbling down in a
huge pile of twisted flesh. As if you had a choice, that little
miniature devil on your shoulder has apparently had wings for dinner and
cons you into hooking up with 2 count them 2 lesbians, who then send the
tower toward earth, boobs flailing, lower lip flesh quivering in the air
like a trip in a convertable, legs kicking like a diver, you might think
your living the opening seen to a james bond movie.. As fate would have
it everyone survived, but you, due to the wonderfull impact absorbing
properties of silicone.. Your in hell now but at least got your die-ing
wish of being with over a hunderd lesbians (you wish you were more
specific about your wish).. THe good news is happy hour is every hour
down here and they have buffallo angel wings and of course they are
plenty warm down here.. They have a really nice climbing wall too -
except none of the holds are screwed in, you spend the rest of eternity
falling on your back, onto variouse painfull objects like wood stoves,
gravel, scissors and nails..

OH - I really want to be PC here - For the women in the group, (plus
gary and barry) - (bastard!!), please adjust the above rating to include
a tower full of gay men, tower falling, yada yada yada, balls stretched
back in the 150mph breeze....Except they do not have silicone to save
them and everyone dies... OH waite a minute - THAT makes ME look more
gay - heres what happened it was a tower full of lesbians with
STRAP-ONS, making the climbing much easier, you get to the top, talk to
the mini devil, yada yada yada, tower collapses, lots of deadly plastic
falling like missles in the middle east, you are crushed by the weight
of all those lesbians falling , but a couple lesbos get speared with the
abundance of pointy plastic, and of course go to hell (of course because
they are gay and god certainly wouldnt let them go to heaven where they
would spend all day licking angels and such.....) and now you have some
lesbians down in hell to have fun with, but of course it is hell, so
every time you get within 5 INCHES of them they get pushed magnetically
away, you will spend the rest of eternity running in your underwear,
just like you did in your dreams..

Sorry for the short rating. PM - Sh!t I should really get my people to
start working












































what is an auto-beastiality-necrofeliac accident?? Just curiouse